A sad Nalu story (oneshots)
by Damndinosaur
Summary: Sad Nalue oneshots with friends, thanks for the wonderful times, its all over.
1. Chapter 1

"Natsu, da fuck you doing in my house"  
"pls no luce i love u."  
"lol k"  
"also i burnt ur house whoops"

"420 blaze amirite luce?"  
Lucy looked at Natsu tears in her eyes she then whispered,  
"eyy"  
"hi loving friends" said happy  
"fuck off u pelican no1 likes u"  
"likes cause I crie everytime." happy said smoking weed  
"Natsu bae y did u burnt my house."  
"cuz im pregnant n its urs"  
"no natsu ur a man I know we did the sex b4"  
"no luce i did the thing."  
Lucy then ran off into the water n drwoned in her sweg  
Natsu ran to her body n seid.  
"i jk"  
the end?


	2. Chapter 2

Lucy walked in2 the guild cryin she saw gajeel

"gajeel im sad"

"go da fuck away u dam prostitute."

Lucy ran away

"Gajeel u need 2 do nice things" levy said

"n u need 2 give better bjs amirite?" he said punching his child

-elsewhere-

"Mira-chan im sad."

Mira looked her " wowe ur cry face is kawaii Lucy-san"

"mira r u fine."

Elfman walked ovr 2 them

"she caught the weeabo infection lucy"

"oh no." n in the bacground mirror said "djobu"

"well she cnt help me bcuz she is weabo." lucy sighed walkin away

Lucys day was goin as good as her boob job in the mrnig but then her bf natsu was gone.

"omfg i gotta instagram dis shit." Lucy saied as she saw a dead person

after ta upload she noticed da bodiesss piank hair

it was her bby natsu

"omg y natsu."

then lucy remembered tht natsu found out she was pregnant and she laughed

"bitch i still want child support."


	3. Chapter 3

ucy woke up nakie n she don know y.  
"y da fuck am i nakd." she said outloud  
"cuz we did the sex"natsu said  
"omg y"  
"cuz ice nipps paid me 2"  
Lucy felt rly sad bcuz she luv natsu she srt to crie  
"wow cryin luce?" natsu said while maken cherios nakie  
She den smiled thru her tears  
"natsu, ur ass is so fine it blows my mind"  
"just like u blew me eyyy"  
Lucy strted cryin again


	4. Chapter 4

ucy lookd at natsu and sighd  
"shut the fuck up u skank" seid levy her bff  
"omg i cant natsus 2hot4me"  
Levy considered dis and said "y not make him jelly?"  
Lucy gasped" omg ur so smart,"

Later dat day Lucy went on a walk wit natsu  
She suddenely saw a hella cute boy.  
"omg hi" she seid to him  
"wats up shorteyyy" he said makin a duckieface And pece sign  
Lucy giggled "holysheit ur funneh"  
Natsu watchd dis and felt sad so he seid "lucy can we leave pls"  
Hella cute boy lookd at natsu "no son im talking to mah bae"  
lucy knew levys plan workd so she was gonna leave  
"k natsu lets go bye"  
But hella cute boy aint havin dat shit so he grab lucys wrist but missed and grab her ass  
"no bae im hella high lets go eat children."  
Lucy sighed y does every1 want 2 eat kids wit her?  
"no thx im full son." she saidd instagramin dis shit  
Natsu got sooo mad at dis so he grabd lucy and made out wit her wit tongue and stuf  
"omg no way m8 shes ur bitch"  
Natsu looked him and pushed lucy  
"fuk yus m8"  
Den da hella cute boi walkd away but itz kewl cus his m8 wuz gettin sum eeeyy


	5. Chapter 5

2day was lucys bday and natsu didnt know wat to get his gf  
"oi icedick," he said 2 gray  
"da fuck u want firenips" he said bk  
"wat u just say u fuckin pelican"  
then dey strted to fight but during da fight gray accidently kiss natsu and lucy walkd in  
"omfg gotta instagram dis shit"  
She seid as she instragram dat shiet.  
Then lucy strtd to crie cuz she remembered natsu was her bae  
"om gaying my bf gray?" she seid cryin  
Gray got rlly mad and pushd lucy down da staires "stfu u little shit"  
Natsu gasps dis "y gray"  
Suddenly levy walked in and lookd gray  
"hey skan wearin ur gray cosplay."  
Natsu put his hands on his cheeeks "waaaaat?" he yelld  
Den gray pulld off his face n shirt and it was lucy!1!  
Juvia den entered and died of noseblood. Natsu also had noseblood bcuz lucy was nakie  
"oh no" lucy said  
"oh yus" natsu said  
"who da fuck ate my corndogs?" asked da ded lucy on da stairs  
"arent u dead" askd lucy as she made out wit natsu  
"bruh"


	6. Chapter 6

mg natsu y did u burn my fucking pancakes" lucy screamed  
"but bae i did-"  
Lucy den gave him a look dat made him piss himself  
"firenips did u just piss ur self"  
Gray asked as he pole danced  
"*sweats nervously*" natsu replied  
gray started to laughed butt den memered dat gay purn he made onc and he strtd to crie on dat pole "nvm mah homie i understand"  
lucy then turnd around and saw da striprpole and startd screechin "GRAY PUT DAT SHIT AWAY I STOPD DAT A LONG TIME AGO" she said glarin gray  
"hey luce do it agan"  
"k bae" so lucy strippd nakie and pushd gray in2 juvias noseblood puddle.  
Den she startd to dance on da pole and natsu thrw dem $1 bills  
"u cheap azz bitch" she said  
Den Gajeel walkd in wit levy and dere son.  
"sup fuckerz" he said  
"my gf is pole dancin" Natsu seid pointin to da IRON pole  
"yum" gajeel went ovr and startd to nom dat pole  
"ey natsu mah boo learnd a nw word 2day" levy seaid pointin her son  
Natsu crouchd and seid"what word didu learn pelican shit"  
Da lil boy Den she startd to dance on da pole and natsu thrw dem $1 bills

"u cheap azz bitch" she said  
Den Gajeel walkd in wit levy and dere son.  
"sup fuckerz" he said  
"my gf is pole dancin" Natsu seid pointin to da IRON pole  
"yum" gajeel went ovr and startd to nom dat pole  
"ey natsu mah boo learnd a nw word 2day" levy seaid pointin her son  
Natsu crouchd and seid"what word didu learn pelican shit"  
Da lil boy said "dicks"  
Natsu strtd 2 cry "omg hes su fuckin smarty"  
Levy den smirkd n siad "da nxt 1 bttr b also or imma whoop him"  
Natsu strted 2 laugh her son "wat a fckin nerd"  
Suddenly natsu herd a scream n when he lokked ovr gajeel 'accidntly' ate lucys arm  
Lucy waz crie n shit as natsu held dat bitch  
"bae am i gonna die" she saied 2 natsu  
"lol idk"  
Lucy den leaned in and whisperd "i only ned 1 arm to rip ur dick off"

-  
I'M SORRY


	7. Chapter 7

Erza sat on da couch nxt 2 natsu and sighd  
"natsu ur gf is on her period"  
"da fuck?"  
Erza stard him srsly "natsu i jk"  
"oh prais-"  
"shes actual pregnant"  
"lol wat"  
Natsu den got up n went 2 find his gf lucy. He walkd 2 her house n kickd her window opn  
"sup bitch" he said  
Lucy saw him n strtd 2 cry and levy patted her bk "stfu u skank"  
Natsu fraked out cuz he nvr lrnd dis shit cuz he livd wit a drgon who ditchd his pale ass.  
"oh no lucy wats wrong"  
"bae im pregnant and its levys"  
"da fuck" saied natsu  
"but skank we nvr had the sex b4" levy said as she instagramd dat shit.  
in trth den nvr did butt da powr of their bffness made her #nohomopregnant  
"im srry levy i luv u as a frind"  
"burn in hell u skank" levy repiled  
Natsy was rlly confusd so he turnd 2 look juvia who was there tryin 2 b hipster  
"wat should i do?"  
"i don give a fuck" juvia said choking happy  
"juvia pls"  
Sudenly lyon showd up and trid to kis juvia but she got rl mad so she stuck happy up his butt  
"dereis a cat in my but" lyon said and lucy laughd so hard her child poppd out

"well shit"  
Da baby dednt look liek levy  
It llok like Erza  
Natsu den gaspd so hrd he died


	8. Chapter 8

Wendy wuz a gangster who tok shiet frum no1 so when natsu askd 4 advice she killd him but den she felt bad bout it so she dressd up liek him 4 lucy his gf  
"yo luce" wendy said ass natsu  
"bae i gottaa tel u sumthin." lucy said  
"wat is it dis time u skank?" said levy  
"im breking up wit u" lucy crid  
Wendynatsu gasped dat  
"but y?"  
Lucy went ovr 2 her bed n pulld bk the covers  
"cuz u and ur cat kep pissin on me bed"  
Now wendy did not knoe wat 2 do dis so she sadi sumthin 2 kep dem toghter "boo im dyin of piss cancer"  
Lucy and her bff gasped this  
Den juvia walkd in with a noseblood. "im dying of noseblood cancer" den wendynatsu strtd 2 crie tears of piss  
"skank is ded" said levy as she held ded lucy to her.  
Aftur juvias anouncment she diedd cuz her stupid ass brain culdnt handle intense shiet.  
Wendy pullde off her natsu weg  
"omfg" seid juvia as she instagrammed dat shiet  
"srry i gut pissed natsu so i killd hem whoops lol"  
Suddnly lucy sut up  
"suprise motherfucker"


	9. Chapter 9

"yo skenk did u kno u is famous"  
Lucy gaspd ass kevy-chan told her dis.  
"omg y"  
"Cuz im3hot5every1" Seid Nasto her bf rapping and arm aroond her weist.  
Den Gajal walkd in and his weif (Levy-Chon) tald him what wuz shakin.  
"U knoe I wus famouns 1c" Levy den gaspd dis as gadjell had uh tear gonin down hes face az the memors ovr tekk hem  
"I wuz tumblr famous cuz I mard a vine of me pshin bonnie gurl in2 a river"  
Nastuo laughd dis bt den lucy crid  
"NATSU U GOT 2 PROTCD MAH HOnOR" n so nats took gajel in2 a yu-gioh battle exect non of dem actull knew wat dat was.  
"des arnt pokamon crds" seid leby=channnn laghin dem  
Lucday silntly crid in da cornr cuz hur mumma hd benn a yu-gi-oh mastur and hads taught her daughtah al she hd knew  
"bae whuts wrong" assed natsu  
"let it rip" lucayye whisprd


	10. Chapter 10

Lucy and al her fairy turd friands were stadn nxt 2 mirass bedsid cuz she wuz finnally dying uf weeabo disease.

"Minna-san plz doonn crie" Mirror seid waklely as she helad hr lil (but dat mutherfckr was actudlly big az shiet) bros hand

Den her bf wlkd in cuz he nedded 2 get sumthin off is chst.

"Mira bae I got 2 tell u sumthin"

"nani"

Den Laxus (her bf) grabd dat green haird dude nmed Fried and seid "Im actully gay nd Ive been havin da sex with friedchicken here"  
and seid chickdn strtd 2 blush dat.

"Dats k cuz Freeds blushie face is kawaii desu sugioh." seid mira with a tear gonng dowwn her chek and sinse they were disacted Gay slipped Natso a monie for gussesin dat laxass wuz gay.

"u knoe she ded in leik 2 mins say bye lel" said docdoor laday poorladyka

"Bye Luce" sied natsu

"Not 2 her u baka!" seid mira-sama

haha wwhoops, thoughhht natsu, lel whteve. den he made out wit lucy in da corner.

"lol hi sis im srry dat u thought I wuz dead but u knoe let dat rest in da past k" said lizardanna pokn mira in da forwhead.

"Its ggod dog."

But den a realllly fukin bright ligt cam outta of no where and our lerd an savor naruteo-samasenpai came out of it reachin 4 mirrorr.

"come my child weeabo we ned u n shiet," he sid in godish wuy .

"ha k" she seif and grabbd his hand.

"bye fuckers" mira-san sied 2 the group.

den day all crie execpt 4 laxus who just made outt wit fried.


	11. Chapter 11

"ey bae" seid loocy 2 her bf natsu da fire dragon with the smukin ass *drums hearded in distance*  
"wut" he say bk  
she smild "wendy seid dat u wuz ded and I cri" she seif likin cuz she crie everytiem  
"nah sun"  
"whart wus tht u lil bitch" seid da actual flamin sun  
"holy shiet dat is sugioh" says mira-chan  
"dedn't u die lel" lucy geggled  
"oh writ k bye" den she went bk 2 weeabo heaven (it wuz actlly hell)  
Den da sun turnned in2 a hot ass (u ned jesus author) dud with like orange eyes ure sumth  
"fite me" he says 2 nasbo  
"or wht"  
"or ill touch ur gf bootaaay" he seid pointn 2 her

*elsewhere*

"Gaj-bo I got a sense" levy seif 2 her sugarcupcake (husbanded) Gajeel  
"wut"  
"u drunk shit, welll anywoy da skank needs us"  
"baby y u call her skank anywy I thoutg u wuz frinds" he said felin bad 4 booberella  
Levy den rememberd how she usd 2 bully her (cuz her boobs were like eeeeeeeyyyyyy and levys boobs were like eeyyy?) and so she calld lucy skank and it kind uf stuck so lol wthevc.

"not impotrant bay we got 2 go 2 her before da sun touchs dar sweet ass" sundenly seid dere cat Pantherlady.

"k"

bk 2 dat one person**** 

"Fire dRERGONS FART"  
"wha-"  
BUT DAT SUN WAS SHUT OP THE SIGHLGHT OF FLAMSE LITERALLY COMIN OUT OF DAT SWEET ASS  
"dats hawt"  
den everyone agreeded dat anyone else who mad a bad pun wuld recive 20 buack whips 

"lel u stuped biethc im da fuking sun ur fire farts wunt wrk on me" seid da sun laughin lik da douche conoe he iz.

"ok den" so natwo went up 2 the sun and just kinda fucking ate.

"wait bae u gotta say #nohomo"  
"sorry loce," natso say "but I mean all ta homo"

den levy and gajpeel arrived and day sawed lucy cri  
"whats wrung babe" seid levy actually bein a decnt human being

"L-l-l natsu went homo on me but I luv him"

"lol ok" den she sent her husbando 2 best up dat 1 pink hsird weridi

"waaaaaiiiitttt levy u dednt cal me skank"

"we is frinds kay." den she hesitated, "lucy"

den day huggd and it was botiful but den they had 2 hide nastus fine asss body but u know lol he did the thang n it wuz hella rude


	12. Chapter 12 (gruvia edition)

"hey gay-sama" said Juvia 2 tht naked guy she lieks 4 sum reason.  
"how du u know were I live."  
"cos juvia daisuke gray"  
"im calling da policea" seid gray but den he realiasedzed, she wuz talkn leik a weeabo

butt he had 2 make sore 1st

"ey, juvia have u fenlt any urge 2 wartch animoo?" he assed catsouoiusly

DEn jubia smilds "hai grAy-Sumo, lulu-chan" shewed dem 2 me"

den gray new day had a prob


	13. Chapter 13

So leik like every1 in da fairy butt guild new dat natsu wuz like a majar dumbass butt he wented 2 prove dem wrong.

"Oi gildarse, fite me m8"  
but dat old guy was like hella drunk and so he got up n said ok

"hoe don do it"

"im gonna fite gildarts luce!"

"oh my god"

Den lucy was punished for using a tumblr meme which is a big no no in the fairy pale guild.

*now dey are going 2 fite"

"im goin 2 make u go boom boom" saied dat old guy

"tOO LATE I ALREADY DID IN MAH PANTS" natsu repled with and odly proud face and lucy wuz questioning y she haz da sex wit him.

"BoOM" den gildarts claapped his hands n slappd dem on da ground n dirt n concrete n shit went fucking evrywhere wat a mess.

"IRONY DRAGAN SATAN PUNS" every1 wuz confused bcus he had nvr usd dat mov b4.

"wtf wuz dat skank" assed levy 2 lucy who hd ben wtching da fighten.

"his daddy tought him dat move. his homies got 'em" den she noded da sky.

butt wat dey ddint notice wat wuz hapning dat when natbo caust dat spel satan breke thru da crust oF DA EARTH HTO DAMn.

"u calld bitch" he seif 2 natsu and natso nod satan (who is da ruler of da weeabos)

"pun him"

so den satan let out d a longestest &amp; must awfawl puns and slowlwly butt shirley gildsrts fell donw.

"shit yes u see dat bae" he seid 2 lucy.

"I beleieved in u da whole time!1!" she seid smiling

"no u dedn't skank."

"yea I dedn't"

so natsu ran away sooooooo ferst so no1 coud see da tears running quietly down his face.


	14. Chapter 14

ok so like a lot of you have been like "wtf I can't read this, its weird and doesn't make sense."  
uh guys,  
THATS THE FUCKING POINT  
ehem

sorry

So anyway I can't write seriously because I never have any confidence to post anything, but when I'm writing something shity I can post it!  
so just incase you were curious why I write like a nine year old on crack.  
I'm actually in honors writing  
I write fine.  
I just can't get myself to do it lol.

*************

lucy set in her bed n she laughd da scene infront of her  
Natsu (her bae) wuz dancin wit happy.

"YaY dance tiem!" said happy  
"SHUT UP U PELICAN"

den happy crie and went outside da window.

"wow natso dat wuz rood af."

"I wus just april foolin bae"

den lucy relized and strt 2 laugh hardr

"I dident leik him anyway lol"

"lol"

"lol"

"wHAT YALL BITCHES SAY 2 MAH BAE" said charle who flew thru the fukin wall and she seemd rlly mad.

"natsu calld hem a pelican." replielied lucy fileing her nails like the vain lil bitch she was.

"U trAiTOR" sEID natsu

den charle cam up 2 him and bitch slapped him

"eeyyy" she seid hella scary

Natsu (who wus allergeric 2 bitch slappies) was dying n he seid "avenge me bae" n den he dies.

"k" she seid and got her lazy ass off the couch. Charle then dat got scard n she couldn't bitch slap ta queen betch herself.

Den lucy got out her frying pan (which she kept inbetwen her boobs) and put charle in it.

"dinner time ho" and den she cooked charle into a nice looking soufle

Happy den came in2 da room and saw charle "give me some of dat ass"

and natsu laughed rlly hard


	15. Chapter 15

**this is based off something one of my friends (people I pretend are my friends) told me so  
**

* * *

It wus dat tiem of da month 4 lucy n she wuz 2 embarrsaed 2 go get tampons so she calld her bf.  
"hey bae its that tiem of da month"  
"k homie I got u" seid natsu and he hung up.  
Lucy smilled she can trut hem. 

* * *

"ok gay we got 2 get bagels 4 lucy" natsu seid 2 his bff gray  
"y"  
"its her time f da month"  
Gray loked him 4 a rlly long tiem "Wat the fuck u idiot"  
"wat?"  
Den he chukld under his breath "oh ya girls need kernels"

"r u fucking rel." 

* * *

"oi skank y did u call me." assed levy  
Den lucy srtd 2 gigle a lot, "I told Natsu dat i wuz on my ."

"nd he went 2 get harpoons 4 u"

"lol ye"

Den levy went up 2 lucy n smackd her so hard da she became queen bitch herslf

"yOU KNOW HES A DUMB SHIT"  
"uh so?"

"u know wht nvr mind u guys r perfect for eachother"

* * *

Lucy and levy were plying pokeman (or whtever dat wired sheit is lol) cus they r hipsters when dey heard natsos voice.

"haha dis iz gonging 2 b gr8 just u wait" lucy seid 2 levy-chan  
"stfu skank"  
"haha ok" seid lucy turning her head so no one could see the tears.

"Hey babe I've got the stuff" said natsu hand her a bag.

Lucy opened da bag.

"tHESE ARE BAGELS U FUCKNUTS"

"BUt DOn"T GIRLs."

den Erza walk in with a frying pan

"watcha say son"  
"Don't girls shov bagels up theire.

Natsu died dat day due 2 da frying pan shoved up his ass.

Rott in hell u fking pelican.  
rott in hell.


	16. Chapter 16

**a short one cus I was bored, Thanks for reviewing my shitty ass story (special thx 2 cow) **

* * *

Natsu wuz sittin in da guild wit his bae n all their loser friends.

"hey guise did u knoe dat people call me firecracker."

"lol y"

Den he brushed "cus of my sexie time skillz"

"thatz bullshit" seid grey as juvia rubd her head against his arm marking her teriorty

"Gray-sama iz always right" seid juvia

"das right ho" replid gay n den day mad out.

Den erza walkd in and sat down on happy.

"why u sitting on me pelican shitbag."

But erza ingord dem and turnd 2 lucy, "yo bitch we gt a missn."

But natsu wasn't haevent dat shiet and didn't want her 2 for angsts poinets.

"bUT NATSU U DON'T CONTRL ME" and she wentoff 2 the missn wit erza.

bott he follwd dem

firecracker can't be controldd


	17. Chapter 17

1 day lucy wus sittin on her bed pretending 2 knoe how 2 read.  
Den natsu (her bf or whtevr) jumpd in 2 da room thru da window, Also he wus covrd in badly drawn triangles.  
"hey bae" he seid casually  
"wht the actual fuck"  
"wt"  
Den he relized (4 ounce) n taked out a sticky note  
"I joined da illiumanati"  
"what"  
"did u not hear me u fuckin pelican I seid I joind da illimantiona"  
Lucy wus slightly concered cus she thougt tht they wus da polic so she pryed natsu dragon nostirl dednt small da crack  
"How"  
Natsu cracksed a grin,"well I went 2 dere headquarters in hargeron-"  
"dednt u destroy hargegon" lucy assssded  
"da other hargergon the first one is hargeGONE" he seid and den lucy slappd him  
"finish the stry"  
Natsu (now locacaded a safr distance) seid , "So I entdered nd thay seid 'go away' and I seid 'can I join' and he seid 'no go away im on a date wit my wife' bbut his wife wus just a plant so I burnted it" he sed laughen  
"that wus rude bae" lucy seid playing on her ds.  
"whoops lol, so anywoy den he gut rlly upset and seid 'y u do dis' n I sed 'pls let me join' but he wus being a rude ass pelican sayin ' no u killd my bae' n I sad 'ill get u a new bae' and so he let me join.  
"so that's why ur fine ass is covered in pointy shpes?" natsu nodded

"olay so I know hue u got in but he did u give hem as a new bae?"  
"lisanna"  
"lel y"

"k so u know how she wus dating dat freaky ass guy wering a mask or whaterv"

"Shitlow?'

"mhhm, well he told me if I got rid of her he wuld chop off his toes"

Den lucy kisses natsu wit tongue and whatever other godforsekn thing is in hr mouth, "im so proud of u"

"lets eat hes toes 4 dinner"

"ole"

so they had a lovelly mel consists of bixhighs toes and like a salad with pelican shit and they lieked it.


	18. Chapter 18

"Bae da pizza iz here" lucy shouted natsu  
"k" den he went 2 the door n wen he opnd it dere wus a guy who wus leik hella wet and crrying a pizza pckage  
"Yo bro u gud?" he assed butt he wus only concerned 4 da pizza  
Da guy den scratcd da bck of hes neck "umm itz lek stronmin rel bed can I myb crash here?'  
Natsu flt rly pisd cus he wntd 2 sex wit lucy dat nite but whtever he guess  
"dat betr b sum dmn good pissa" natso sed angirly nd den da pizzaguy (who sad his name wus lisa) smeld happy  
so dey both wlknd in2 lucys apartment (dats rite natsu invitd a stranger in2 her house wat an ass) with the pizza  
"Bae whos dat? whers da pssia?" Lucy seid onley wering a towl cus she jst got out of da showr also bcaus plot.  
"Lucayyyyy plz meet lisa da pizza guy, lisa dis is my bae luce." Natpoo seid gestring 2 both  
'woah shiet she iz hawt' thought lisa  
"omfg ur name iz lisa das gay lel" seid lucy  
"Lucy das mean" seid happy  
"fuck OFFU UPELICAN" scrimed every1  
"cries ok" n den seid pelican left thk jesus  
Lisa felt rlly md her commnt but den he saw she was bammin slammin bootylishous.  
"lucey hes gn spnd da night cus its raning penises and vaginas outside." natsu explained  
"ok whtever but did he bring da pizza?" damn bitches only concered bout food.  
den day all went 2 go to lucys table and set dewn 2 have a lovely din din execpt 4 when day opndd da pizza box it wus coverd in nasty ass fish  
"NaTSU DID U ASK HAPPY 2 ORDER DA FYCJING PIZZA AGAIN U FUCK TARD" Lucy screamd grabbing her boob frying pan  
natsu most certainly did dat but he didn't wan 2 get slpaed by da hell pan so he seid "No lisa musta fuked up."  
lisa wus starin lucys ass  
"wtf" seid locy  
"Oi bruh y u string me baes ass?"  
"*sweats nervously*" seid lisa  
"ferst u made us skip butt naked time! Den u fuck up our pessa order and den u were staring my ass without praising it as the holy being it is and while in mah hous ehow fucking dare u u going pay u fucking white bread donkey piss!" sed lucy slammin her frying pan on his balls  
but he dedn evn fel anyting  
"surpris im biologically a gurl." he sied sheepisly  
"butt u wnna be a boy rite?" natew asked  
lisa nodded hella fast  
"den u silly lampshade u r " n den lucy kiss hes head n so ded natsu  
Den lisa cri "ty"  
Den lucy piked him up frum da floor stapld happy 2 him n threw dem out da window, "go my children n folluw ur dreams butt don cum bk till u got fucking good pizza." she seid with a ter in her eye  
Natsu put his arm round lucy shulders noddin prudly cus dey both noe dey raised dere children rite.


	19. Chapter 19

Natsu, Laxus n fried chicken, Dickslow and Gay were all goin 2 perform a song 4 da guild 2nite,  
"YO LEMME BE IN YO BAND." yelled gajel  
"FUCKOFF U SUCK" Lizard replied bk  
So after dat every1 gathered 2 her dere glorious song.  
"ok every1 we r gona 2 strt now," seid natsu  
"hRRY DA FUCK UP." someone uelled and gray killed them  
"yeah yeah we r lek supa cool.  
expect gray he sucks ass  
hey!  
Lucys hot thou, she has nice boobies  
bUT THy R MIN SO DON'T FUCKING TOUCh  
the nxt band mmb is laxus  
bt he is makin out wit freed  
lol das gay  
but thts ok  
Juvia iz rlly crpy doe  
she fking stalks gay  
lol  
but my fvotire person is  
myself, Natsu Dragpeel  
i gut a scarf  
thts the end bye pelicans"

N den every1 booed as natsu ran out da guild. Lucy den managed 2 convice every1 2 nt maime her bae so then she wnt aftr him and of fuckng course he wus her house.  
"Wtf natsu." she seid 2 da pink haid asshole.  
"yo bae im making sum pancakes u wnt sum?" he sedi and den lucy smacked his empty head.  
"evey1 the guild is hella mad u" she hissed  
"Ik wut 2 do" Natsu seid confidently n headed out the window 2 go gt wut he needed. "

-later at the guild-

Natsu wlkin 2 da guild crrying like nine million bags.  
"yO BITCHES I GOT ALCHOlE" he scrimed  
every den ran in a fuckin hurry 2 get sum cus they r all druken low lifes. Lucy then cam up 2 natsu but she dednt drink cus shes such a goddamn priss.  
"you did u goody bae" she seid kissing his chek  
den natsu got da blushie face.


	20. Chapter 20

natsu sew lucy da movies  
"lol wut udoinG" he assed her but she gt rly embarssed  
"i wntd 2 buy u a gift but im poor as fuck cus u mess up evry mission." she seid cryn a lil  
"whoops lel well i wnt a new car/" the inconsiderate assgoat seid  
"idontloveyouthatmuch."  
but den natsu w;ld away lookin hella sad so sh eewent out n gut like seven more jobz n she savd up for a have a year or whtever.  
so den she had neoug monies and she bougt a nce red buggy.  
she brught him to da car with his eyes blindflodled  
"ok takd of ur blind fold." she seid giggling happily  
but when he ded he laighed, "lol bae u knoe i dont have a dirver linecs rght?" he seid  
"u fuCKING WOT"  
"also i hve serve muntiuon sicknss"  
lucy . in her blindin rage, wnt over 2 da car n picked it up. the she just kinda uh fucking threw down on natys.  
"u fucking shit i fukc gave fot massages 2 natsy ass old dudes 2 pay 4 this hunk of fucking medal. i hope u ficking dieu piece of shet" and den she run away cryn but natsu ddednt knoe dat BEFCAUSE DERE WUS A FUCKING AR ON HIM


	21. Chapter 21

Lucy wlkd in2 the guild plulling her bae natswu by da hi precious scarf his father gave him shes rude. butt she ded have a gud reson, she stod on da table ner da ded weeabos bar "yO U DUMBGOATS," she yelld rlly loudly getting ervy1s attntion. "Wut da fuck u want prostityute?" assed gajeel ass he ate sum lovely fork salad. Lucy siged n thrw natsu infront of da raging beats, "so dis morning I wke up n I wntd 2 eat sum cheese sticks bt dis whalepiss wus fking eting them faster then freed eats dicks." she sed "and?" assed gajpeel "u cn beat the actual shit out of em." se sed mononontonelessssly so every1 just jumpd on da ches steck theft . her is usm commentary, "tHES IS 4 dAT TIME U BURNT doWN MY GARDEN." "im gOING 2 BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF U" "omg pls staph lucy im surry." lucy den shoved her fat foot in hes face, "u ate our lord n saviour cheese-sama. nut only these punishumnet but no sexie tiem 4 a month." the former bietch queen hisssd natsu den audiabbly gassed n strd 2 cry. then den lucy walkd bk 2 her apart,ent but whn she wus on pancreas strt (her house street) it was dead (maniacally laughin and sobbing heard) but den! "omg ur lucy heartpissa!1!" she herd a yung voice sey. she turnd around n dere wus a cute lil shit and she had like blue hair or whatever bitch probs dyd it. "tah fuck u want." she seid not in a gud mood. den da gurl held a ches stik "for u u sepa" she smil lucy ben da greddy bish she wuz grabbd it and scarfed it down. butt after a moment she flt fant n she passed out, butt b4 da wurld went darks he ehrda voicu, "stupid goatpiss." she wisss natsu wus hear bt den she remembder. she wus fucked.


	22. Chapter 22

**hello it has been a long time lololol ok but seriously a lot of stuff happened over my length of absence, I did nothing but watch anime May - July. August however I started to work on projects and tried to spend time with my family, However I went into something called DKA (diabetic ketoacidosis) and since I had gone untreated for so long it was very serious and my family spent two days in the hospital with me, doctors telling them they didn't expect me to wake up. However i did! I spent a total of three days in the ICU (or as my dad called it: the fish bowl) and two days in a regular room. I am very lucky to be here without brain damage and without having a heart attack. Or even being alive. It was a very shitty experience and i had to watch disney channel for most of it, Who knew those bastards still played Suite life of Zack and Cody at two in the morning (lol) Well anyway I have started serious projects since then that I am hoping to post sometime soon (yay) Thank you kindly for sticking with this story.**

(thanks 4 reading nerds)

wen natsu woke up he wus hella pissed hes bae but he still loved her cus I say so.  
so he got out of da hospital he wen 2 her house 2 make up, but whn he gut dre is dragon nosie dednt smell anything so h wust went n got a snadwhichhhhhh yum, butts then hes sawh locy an he slappd her but. no 1 shuld hacve to desl w that shiet so sheehe fUCKING NBODY SLAM OR DMANMN BTE SON  
she thn at his sandwhich damn salty 


	23. Chapter 23

Natsu ws uper excited 3 x-mus and he wis gon catcvh satnea 2 bragtg 2 hes goilulid m8s hetehat he wus the new kung of chrostmas (even tho no 1 wuld give a shit) so natseu styed owoke in Mucy's house n waitd 4 the big fat rd man. 2:30 on chrestmas mornnn he head a thump in da chimnaay,  
"omfg is that I santa?!" he scrimed!  
"AYE!" naw it wus happy  
"happY u FUCKLET!" and Natspoo kickd him bk up the chimney and team happy blastd off agani *generic sparkle noise*  
As Natrue stood in angries hee dednt notiece his gf Moosey putten presents under the trea for she wuz the rela satan! She carfully placd each presento under da tree, which were a bunch of rare pepes (excatctly wat natsu had asked 4),  
"Wwowie I hope daddy natsu lieks his pepse." lucery whisped a smol but tol smile on her preetty faceo,.  
unfortunatyl Natswhos sweet asz dragone hearin heard dats sheit  
"lucy WhAT THE FUCK." he scredmed so scraered he peed a lil.  
"Uhhh, uh natsp babe its not wha it rooks likee!" she said tryin 2 shove the remain peepees up her shirt (which made the lil green bitch blush)  
Natsu leanddd in and grabbd Luceys chin it wus quite sexual and natsu would most df hav a chub if he wusnt so peed off rn. he took in her a tire and thought,. oh fuck im bangngnging satna I can get any prezzie I wan.  
"do u have elves lucy" gangbangeru!  
she punited 2 the fireplace.  
"I fuckn did u piece of shit." She whipped a tear from he r poop (lol) colored eye. "We wrkded so hard on them pepes 4 u fam but thenu u runinied ur surprise." she made a hert wit er hand and den broke it signafilinh her feelings at the mom.  
Den natsu kiss lucy and she ksss him bck buit when they startd 2 frickle frackle the popos she hd in hr sjhirt feell out n that ruined that mood man what a goddamn boner killer.


	24. Chapter 24

**ok so kinkshame me if u want but im looking for a Hidekane smut where at least one of them is wearing a sailor uniform ok its for science so message me if u can hook me up. Also man fuck Red Lobster seafood is gross  
**-

Natsco was gonin on a wakl, wull mure leik run becus he fergot his annviersery wit the bae (lucy).  
He nekw he dednt have mchu tiem but he hadhad to get 2 da guild 2 worn them bout her. be CAUSE THES SI A GODDDAMN SHOUNEN FREIDNSHIP IS FUCKNG EVERYTHIANG FUCK u.  
ok lol.  
so natswho came up 2 the big ass door to ta guildo hall (who the actual nipple needs hat big of a door?!) nd opnded he began 2 screm  
"oK SSLISTEN EVERUONE LUCIEYS GONNG FUCKING NBOKNKRS SO YALL-"  
"Ho Natspoo how lovelie of u 2 goin su." a siceknly sweet voice huissed.  
"Oh monkeys ballssack- HI LOCUY MY LOVE HAPP ANIVERSEY-"  
Lcuy , who was the momenent heavily, HEAVILY intoxiacted slamd her cup on 2 happies haead.

"Shut u fukboi". She sneared a stry teasr fallng down her facd from all the acholos she done had, "Hoq daer u forgetg. I though u lcovd me-" butts she wus cut off by natso kiss her silly nerrd mouth lololol.  
so they mad up nd den wen thome and hasd angry make up sexie time (wow rthats hote) but bk the guild peoples were so confused.

"Oui, wusnt there anniversery lssty moneth.?" Juboobia assed.  
Evrythng clickd in place. Natus n lucy first wen on a date so u would they-  
every game a look at each odeter.

yeah they jujst wanted a reason to justifiy their banging what a bunch of sick basturds.


	25. Chapter 25 (Gruvia Edition Part 2)

**my head hurts and my bs is high but idc lolol**

* * *

Groy roooshed juvias 2 da hostootle bcus he new tht withut immeideate treetmunt she wuld die of da weeabo diease jest azz mirachan did.  
"Hung in dere Juvi ur homedog Garys got u" he said loking donw 2 th bule haird women in his amrs. He knw dat Juvia lovd him hellar olt n not leik he likded her anythig b-b-baka!  
Juvie smild up 2 him kindley, "Gay-Dono, Puvia belurives dat its hurdur tiem 2 go." a strooy tearo rain down her foce.

Gray stupped in hes traekcs n lookd hre. Shooiking his head no no., "Juvi-"

"Everythang will be djoobu Gray-chama," she muuurmmmured seettlieng her hands o n his check., "Because" she coughd out sume blood,

"For I have always loved you."  
hse then completely liquified outta of exisestence.

Trears frefaiiling from his stone cold eyes *ba dump tssh* he grippd da wat was leefff of da warter ladey to his rock hard abs damn I d like 2 touich doessssss.  
"I'll nuveer 4 get u my dogling Juvies." he subed 2 himself omg wut a loser.

den he pieked up her cute lil hat (her clotehs ewere left efinh becus screw u thtas y11!1!) n set it upon his herd. Walklking down an emptie sterret hed thught bout all da tiems he spend wit her.  
The time he accidetoly grabbed her boobie (it was soft af tbh)  
Or tht 1111 time she wulkd on him tking a shiet n she had to pe eso bad dat she peed in hhis bathtub.  
most recntly she ivinidet him on uh pincnok.  
liek thuy brought food n shit buit dey ended up maken out the hokle time steill tons of fun if u ask me doe.

Wulking into da guild hall arr attention wus on jhim at the sighit o wearing dat crazy gurls hatty mick hat hat.

"Gravy your clothes," Mra (lol aint she dead) seid gently but gravy-san dednt care antymo fir his bae is ded.  
"Lol I bet he jesst gut done bangin werter gurl I men he nakie and has her hate. The ho never tukes it uff right lol?" rqaughed dat one guy who hus a kid who is annoying but a gud japanese voiece acter. he wus to besy raughing his dumb asss jok to notruicdat grays fist wus cominf at his dface nd da man flew back and went through 1, 3 no 2 WALLS wOW WHAT A GENERIC SHOUNEN UNCH woWOO W.

"SHUT ALL OF YOU DICK TURDS JUBIA IS DEAD! " he scrimed  
everyone gasped and even Gajbanana peelfainted becus he lovd juvia as a siblung noty a lovr FITE ME TUMBLR.

Den GRay explaind all abt wut happdned huw he had 2 save his watur waifu frum da diseaase dat mira spread. Afder liastending 2 his story dey all agrdded dat mir ahad to go so they burnd her da damn salty af.  
Mastur (kinky oml) Mackarov stud up on a tabel and announcd dat evry1 wuld be required 2 gt testd 4 weeb disease. so aft trcking down the peeepole dat kne they hadfe it (that one piece of fine asss achoklic cana-kun) nd every one wus testd. Doe the testeds were perverted and unnessivary it enddd ed evetually nd 94 people disgonised wit weeaboo illlness. 23 curses beaninfg serious.  
It wus a traddgicu luss 4 da guildo  
pls keep dem in ur thoughts n prayers  
Bless.


	26. Chapter 26

ok so omg its like 11:50 and im tired also i joined the Hinata Shoyou protection squad. Also playing undertale makes me feel like scum. Also I got yelled at in art for saying "Jesus christ Ariel uve broken two fucking pencils" and it was awkward. Also this one furry fucking growled at me because i talked to his girlfriend (whom I went out with for a month but it was bad she was really abusive and im glad i got out honestly i dont ever wanna see her) have fun also this one is for u Moo! I always look forward too ur reviews! thanks for reading my stuff love u loads!

* * *

1 day Rucy wuke uped n she wus a giraffe

U fucken herd me a guddman long neck thingy

Nuw dis wus quite a perdickament becus lucy wus in hre… well her booty (body) wus insude but her head us not. So shu new dat she wus gonna needs 22 du soumthingang so she took her celluarphone device and shoved it up her giraffe butt. Den she wuent 2 her old homie phone becus it woos a dial up n she wus hipster trush n she calld up her bae Natsu-senpai  
ring a ding ding  
"Hellolol?" Lucy screamd in2 the phone becase she awalys loud af  
"NEW PHONE WHO DIS." He whisperd  
lucy slmmd her head out teh da window n scremd a da void.  
she dccided dat natsu-dono wuld not be any hepl on da accunt of hem being a gooddam mutherfecking idjit. So our neewly funded giraffe frend walk out of her apertmment (she wunt thru da wall btw) ok so she wus like 'wowe dis isnent so bad beenen a giraffe' butttttts den peolpl rund her strd 2 screm.  
"OmLD A HIPPO."  
"dats a giraffe nancy."  
"HAROLD U NEVER LET ME HAVE ANYTHING"

Lucy was sudnely relly concernded for nancy and Harold abut she quickly was sert bk on track but animal control!  
wow dey came so fast like a white boy (bah dum tshh) (im sorry)  
worried af n desperate aswhat 2 do she usd he back up plan  
sh epooped out her cellphone on 2 dere heads.  
so whie everyone wus confused and midly traumatized she ran and ran ran. Becus fuck u she is a strong independten weizard lady? Who don ned no man unless the plot needs her too yeah yo man fuck plot armour.

Wull anywhosa she endnd un infrunt of the baes house sense whale she ren re railzed she probs couldn't do any bettr plus natsus got a killer ass lol.  
approaching the dur she rechd down 2 knock only 4 dat dumazz 2 opn dat door n fUCKEN NKOCK HER OUTTA OF THE WAUY.

N evn wurse ull nevr guessw ho the fuck wulked out with Natspooppoophead? That lil cutie Lizardanna!. Omg wait no Lucky Luce! Dun thhik dat she anemy! Seing how Lasanga might be natsu side ho fills lucy with determination (and hatreted daamn) n she puffed out her chest to seem bigger to her vicitim.

"Natsu wht da fuck is this." She whispered-yelled all mad liek.

Now natsu might be a dense ass lil bitch but he reconguized Poocys mad vuice so obvs he knewed it wus her the first look. He strtd 2 sweet.

"Lucy-chama it isn't what dis look like!" Scremaed Looseanna with animemoo tears in her eyes maybe weeb disease is geneteic she should get that checked out.

Putting her impeneding plumment in health she rll wnted lucy 2 know that this actooly wus a mistunnnderstanding! All natsu did was sew her toes back 0n bcs she gets them cut off by bixlow I think they ate them in one chapt but im 2 lazy 2 go check lol.

"omg lucy what happened 2 u ur a god dam giraffe I cant put my dick inthat!" omg classic natsu don't think with just ur penis fam.

Then all oce lucies feelings came all out . All her pent up frausterations all at one. Big fat giraffe tears n every ter she cri she grew smaller and smaller, den when she was bk 2 normal natsu strted to screm 2 tell her 2 stop crying becus she wus fine! But den she wus just do angsty (it might have been the monthly run lololol) and she crid until she wus the size of a pinkie (smol). Natsu who is a very good bf new she wus not safe like dis so he did the onely thang he culd 2 protect his lil girl

He shovd her up his bum.

"There u r safe nowwww~!" he saif wit a nice cut emsil on his face.

"It smells like farts down here." Loccy said n Nancy lauff.

Long story short, people say lucys heart shrunk several sizesed dat becus she was a vein bitch but salt is for the dinner table so no snitching.


	27. Chapter 27

"Y chapter 1 . Aug 13

The fuck is this? Please take this shit somewhere else. Like in your own personal diary or some shit. This is a joke. It's not a crack fic. It's a shit fic. Fucking awful. Sorry excuse for a human. Please delete your fanfic account. Thanks. You give everyone else a bad name."

come off anon and fight me u pussy bitch lmao

ok im gonna write something gay because im into gay stuff now lol

* * *

so u know tha t guy with the convient lighting bolt scar and blonde hair and shit

like idk his name lmao

he gay anywho

fried chicken is his boyfriend fight me and they would MOST DEFINTELY bang like dick sucking, anal penetration and everything

(including ass eating ha) lmao yoo. ook so one day they were lkie idk? after sex cuddling like idek how that blonde bitch would thou? he huge as fuck. ok so anyway they wre cuddling and like then suddenly someone shot straight thou their wINDOW? LIK OW

"what the fuck" said Laxus ( i googled his name lmao) and he looked down at the floor where that persn was and it was actually just that one cat! THE blUE ONE! hIS NAME IS HAPPYY! HJE MAKES ME WANNA DIE!

"what do u want" assked laxus as freed stroked his naked (thats what the twink does right?) chest which IS ALOT OF SPACE ACTUALLY WEOW.

ok so happy was then like "yo come to the guild homeboy thers two fuck boys fighting and only u can stop it"

"why cant erza do it"

"lmao idk"

"chill i can respect that"

he couldnt actually respect that so he just punched happy back though the wall and snuggled back down under the covers

then he felt someone tap his shoulder, it was freed,

"u dumb fucking bitch now there is two fucking holes in the wall and its fucking cold my nips are rock hard."

wowowowowowowoowow

that sounde pretty good to laxus who is 9999% a nipple man like hook that fucker up lol.

"can i touch ur titters"

"nah"

"i can respect that"

and u know what?

he actually could


	28. Chapter 28

stop saying ur confused idc!

lmao go look my deviantart the username is the same on here kthx lol

* * *

umm so today we are going to just talk about juvia

like mmm yes queen i want her to rip out my heart and shove it up my ass

ok so idk maybe she was in her room

she a cutie like have u seen her room like girl pls he dont deserve u bye

okay sos ehs ing her room doing stuff like shit idk probably dry humping a gray body pillow

so while she doing that... some knocked on her door!

"oh" she said and then got up to answer it

"hello!" said lyon

she slammed the door in her face

"juviAA" he cried liike a pussy

"dont come to my house cunt" she said in a scaRY voice

"why do u love gray more than me!?" he asked

"his dick is bigger" she said blushing, not because she knew from experience, she didnt, she has never seen his dick, it is all a lie. Lyon didnt know this becuase he dumb lol idek what he looks like i forgot. ok i googled him we good.

idont know why i still keep up with this series its been 6 years im so tired

500 chapters later and gray still aint hit up juvia with that ice dick wtf hiro lol

so lyon was like "his dick is bigger than mine!"

she said yeah boy u dumb af did ur bitch ass hear me lol

"my dick is 13 inches!"

juvia sneered at this "pics or didnt happen"

the smirk dropped off of lyons face and he began to sniff,

"it didnt happen"

* * *

i want to die lol


	29. thanks for all the death threats 3 (jk)

HappyDragneel1DHHS chapter 3 . Oct 8

XD I can't stop reading... Its like I can't look away. The line " just like you blow me. Eeeeeyyy" XD I nearly died from laughter XD, like wtf XD thanks for making me smile mate :), don't stop whether this is just a joke or actually how you persieve the English language... Whatever it is it made me laugh and smile :)

this is honestly so nice i was just gonna paste the lyrics to "kill yourself" but idk i would feel bad lol my sense of humor has taken a shit dive so now its all slurs and racism i apologize

fuck

i think its safe to say that this isnt something i will finish, i started this quite sometime ago and now i look back at this and feel like a cringy piece of shit. its sad to me but i dont think i could live writing another chapter how i did before without offending everyone and their aunt fee. cus you know i cant match it with my sense of humor now which is just calling my friends different variations of the word "faggot" and "cunt"

anyway if i met myself from when i started writing this i would punch her in the face..

with this i sign off wishing anyone who clicks this a solid pat on the back and a thanks pal.

so yeah, thanks for everything,

your probably mature,

Delanie


End file.
